I asked Zulma a few questions, one of which was to describe the culture of Peru for readers.
Zulma thanked me for the interview (it is I who thank her, however). Zulma is very humble and shares the spotlight with her husband/father/writer, Walter. I listed husband/father/writer in that order because as I have gotten to know him, this is definitely his priority in life.
Zulma is Peruvian and lived in Peru all of her life until October of last year. Walter and Zulma were married in Peru and decided to move to the United States to study, get more qualifications so their children's lives would be better than theirs.
Zulma describes Peru...this is in her own words... Peru is in South America and Lima, as you know, is the Capital; which is on the coast and it is a very big metropolitan area. There are 24 states and one Constitutional Province called Callao. Peru is also divided into Coast, Mountain and Jungle. I am from Callao which is the Principal port of Peru.
There are about 17 million people living in Lima and what I find different from living in Peru than living in the United States is that in Peru, you don't have your own car. Of course, having your own car is more convenient and comfortable, but everything is nearby in Peru, it is not like here where you have to drive almost everywhere you go. In Peru, depending on where you live, you can walk, take a bus or a taxi, and it is not expensive.
Peruvian people are very friendly and warm. We usually "adopt" a foreigner and he/she becomes a member of our family. We love dancing and celebrating things. There is at least one celebration each month if not more. The celebration could be religious or not, but we are always celebrating something. We are very proud of our culture and customs. Most people in Peru speak Spanish but there are places (especially in the mountains) where people speak Quechua (the language of the Incas).
Zulma points out some other main differences between Peru and The United States as far as family life. As I said before, Lima is a big city and most of the best schools, universities and job opportunities are in Lima so when you finish school you don't have to move to the university campus and leave your family. Of course, some people do that but they are not from Lima, they are from other states and they come to Lima looking for better opportunities.
That being said, Peruvian children don't usually move, they live with their parents until they get married (that is when they move) so the relationship between parents and children is very close. We like celebrating Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmas, all together as a big family. That doesn't mean that we are not independent...we are! We just happen to have our parents closer and they love it that way. I can tell you that I lived with my parents until I was 31-years-old. Of course, I was working, and from the moment I started working I helped my parents with the economy of the house. I paid my bills (credit cards, cell phone) and my bus or taxi fares and I was responsible for any other expenses that I made. I also helped them by paying the cable, Internet and phone from time to time and I gave them some money (every month) for anything they wanted to use it for.
Zulma talks about her education and career in Peru. I studied Business Administration (which I also paid for myself) and I was an English teacher for 12-years. I started studying English the year I finished high school, then I got my certification as an English teacher. I used to work from 7:00 a.m. to 12:00 a.m. and then from 3:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. from Monday to Friday (I never liked working on the weekends). Living with my parents gave me freedom to enjoy my salary to travel around Peru and to go abroad. I know 18 states from the 24 that are in Peru.
Living with a writer... Living with a writer has definitely changed my life. It was a shock when we started to live together. I love music, I can study work, and do almost everything with music, but when Walter was writing I couldn't listen to music or sing because he couldn't concentrate. So, I started reading. I have to confess that I was not a big reader. I read the newspaper every day and that was all. When we moved in together, our apartment was very small, so I happened to be in the same room as Walter. One day, he say that I was very bored and asked me what the problem was. I told him it was nothing, that I was just bored because I couldn't listen to music, so he said "why don't you read? Walter has a lot of books (more books than clothes) so he gave me "Post Office" by Charles Bukowski and I started reading. Since then, I read book after book, I have read Charles Bukowski, J.K. Rowling (all the Harry Potter books), Ronald Dahl, Dan Brown, and many others. He said that I read more than he does now. I discovered a new world of stories, happiness, drama, fantasy in all those books. Of course, since I got pregnant, I changed by adventure books for baby books. Now, I am reading "What to expect the first year" which I find interesting. It was a gift from a friend and I find it very useful.
"What to expect the first year" is a wonderful book, Zulma, and is on my bookshelf as well as many, many of my friends who are mothers...with my first child's birth in 1992, I don't know what I would have done without that as a "manual" of sorts!!
Life in the United States for the growing Rhein family... We came to live in Wisconsin, USA on October 26, 2009. In December, we found that I was pregnant. Being pregnant was a challenge. It was pretty hard because, as I said, we Peruvians like having our family close to us, and when we moved here, I was far from my parents. It was just Walter and me.
There were so many things together, the weather, for instance. Wisconsin's weather (in winter) is not the right way to start. It was so cold for me. I can say that the coldest weather in Lima is about 50-degrees Fahrenheit and here it is soooo SO cold. I didn't want to go out, not at all. I went out only when it was strictly necessary. It was beautiful though, we don't have snow or heavy rains in Lima. Lima is a humid city. Many people say that we breathe water because of the humidity in Lima can be over 80 or 90%. I guess because it is on the coast of the Pacific Ocean and we don't have rains, but we do have drizzle and now snow. I never had a WHITE CHRISTMAS, until last year. I know I have to get used to it and I guess I am. I feel cold now, but it is not that painful as it was last year, I am enjoying it more, I can walk outside when it is 40 degrees Fahrenheit. I guess I am more prepared now.
Zulma...we Michiganders (a stone's throw across the beautiful Lake Michigan), share the cold winters as well, especially with that "Lake Effect"...can't say we get used to it, we just "adapt"...watch out for the crazy drivers!
Birth of Baby changes things for the Rhein family... Since our baby was born, we are no longer the owners of our time. Now, Sofia is the one who says when things have to be done. Since we came to Wisconsin, I have been looking for a job. I worked for a long time and not working is fine for a maximum of two months then you become so bored, because you have nothing to do.
I clean the house, cook, do the laundry and then...I had nothing to do. Let's face it, there are no good programs on television, plus the weather was so cold it was boring.
Then, we found out that I was pregnant and I decided to avoid stress and not start looking for a job until after I had the baby. I had the idea that having a baby wasn't that difficult because my mom had four children and she and my father did a good job. I soon discovered that having a baby and it being oly the two of us was hard. I had to give a lot of credit to my beloved husband, Walter, because he helped a lot, and also hugged me when I felt lonely and exhausted.
Balancing Work and a new baby...
Then, I got a proposal to start working as a Bilingual Assistant in a school. Part of me was jumping because I felt so happy about the idea of working again and the other part of me was crying because I didn't want to leave Sofia. I am breastfeeding her and I didn't want to interrupt that. Happily, it is a part time job, only four hours a day and it is the perfect deal.
I feel productive and have some time out of the house, but I have plenty of time to be with Sofia. I started pumping breastmilk in the mornings, leaving a bottle so Walter can feed her while I am not here, then when I am back, I continue breastfeeding her. Nothing has changed, I get up early, feed Sofia, put her to sleep, then have a shower, get dressed, have breakfast with Walter, feed Sofia again and get ready and go to work.
My current job is from 11:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. (the perfect schedule), so I feel productive and at the same time I keep feeding my baby. As Walter is a writer, he works most of the time from home, so he stays with her while I work. This is also good for Walter...we (mothers) tend to think that the baby is ours and only ours, that the baby is our property and I guessed that was my case. I didn't give Sofia to Walter for more than 30 minutes so he couldn't spend time with her, but since he stays with her every day for four hours, he has developed a very nice relationship with his daughter. He says that it is very rewarding to be able to feed the baby, to change her diapers, to play with her and make her sleep.
He helped me with my guilty feelings, the first week I felt that I was the worst mom in the world for leaving my baby (who was one month and a half), for more than four hours and feel good and productive out of our home. I wanted to quit, but then I realized that I am not the first and won't be the last woman in the world who has to make that sacrifice. I love being with our baby, but I need to go out and focus my energy on something else other than the house and the baby. As I say, "my parents didn't raise me and give me an education to be a housewife a hundred percent of the time", I love to do the things on my own at home, but I also need to go out and feel productive. It is a nice feeling to get your own money and not have to ask your husband for it when you want something.
I have enjoyed getting to know Zulma, wife of writer, Walter Rhein, very much and appreciate her openness in sharing the culture of her country, Peru. I think it is important to understand different cultures and how families raise their children...it makes the world seem a "little smaller" when we know that all mothers, regardless of their geographic location, experience a little "mommy guilt".
It is striking that in the United States, most children at the age of 18-years, are off to college campuses, dorm rooms, or apartments in order to strike out on their own. I have always felt (as do the Rhein's) that 18 is still much too young to leave home. In Peru, children remain with their parents until they marry...Zulma was 31 when she married and left home; however, Zulma contributed financially to the home, assisting with expenses and taking responsibility for her own living expenses.
More on this interview with Walter Rhein and excerpts about his book "The Bone Sword" will follow. I hope you enjoy Zulma's experiences as much as I did...
